I feel so strange right now. I am in such a sad/indifferent/upset mood. I don’t even know why. I feel like i have one night a week where I’m totally depressed and feel awful. It’s usually sundays but it didn’t happen yesterday.
I feel like i am so mean all the time. I feel like i am so critical of everyone and i am constantly trying to find the bad in them. I feel like i am always watching people and trying to decode them, crack them. I wish i could just be happy. I wish i could stop thinking. I wish i was an optimist. I feel like i am going to die alone. Who would want to be with someone so unhappy. people want someone to have fun with, not deal with. I’ve been thinking that maybe i wasn’t destined to be happy. Ever since i was little i was always angry. I was mad at my sister because i felt she was favored more and i was mad at my parents for doing it. I’ve always felt like I had to be on the attack, that everyone was out to get me. I’ve always felt alone. Maybe i push people away because I’m so unhappy with myself that i wont be able to take the rejection.
I feel like i flirt with too many people. I genuinely feel terrible. You know that song “I’m not your toy” by la roux? I feel like she’s singing it to me. Like I’m that guy she broke up with. I feel like I constantly need attention, because if I’m not getting it i feel worthless. I think it’s because whenever my dad was mad he would just ignore us. I don’t think i should be in a relationship anytime soon. I have so much i need to work on. Does that mean i wont want a relationship? No. But i definitely think i should stop talking to some of my online friends.
Katy Perry’s New song. I dont know how i feel about it. It sounds a bit like tik tok. Not that i care if anyone rips off that disgusting whore kesha, but i just noticed the similarities. I feel like its a little too dancey for perry. I hope it does well tho, I love katy<3